damn-it-all

if I glom on to one more lost man

for my sense of value

seems all my life I’ve desperately sought to be loved

while knowing what I know always knew

that nobody but nobody can give me anything I will not give to myself

would you believe I’ve reached my late seventies

without an inkling of what the hell

is going on inside my broken heart

time and again my heart is torn apart

when I refuse to listen to the whisper within warning

doing its’ damndest to stop one more rash decision

let me explain please

I refer to my cardiovascular pump

a mysterious thump thump in my chest

perhaps it’s a Wise Woman beating a drum

who knows way better than I do

how to love without giving away the store

do you suppose a spark of the Divine

was placed in us long before you or I came

into being a human being

what else explains the tight just not right feeling

in my solar plexus when I fall short of kindheartedness

to myself or to another in need

so might I/we finally

once and for all

let the chips fall where they may

let bygones be bygones

and right now

love love love

until the end of time

~ pekaplan, 2022

me giving my heart to me